Birthday Surprise
by GuruGuru214
Summary: The characters of Zelda and Trigun come together to celebrate a very special birthday. Coauthored with El Hustino.
1. Invitations

Guru-Guru: Okay, so what are we doing here, again? 

Hustino: ...What do you think we're doing! We've got these letters to mail!

Guru-Guru: Oh, yeah. Right. How are we supposed to get this stack to Gunsmoke?

Hustino: Erm...uh...hmm...

Legato: -walks by eating a hot dog- la la la

Hustino: Legato, I'll give you five bucks to take these to Gunsmoke! -holds up letters- Oh, and one of the twins asked me to order...this off the internet... -hands Legato a package along with the letters-

Legato: SW33T! -runs off with the letters-

Hustino: Okay, so what about the other letters?

Guru-Guru: Hmm... Maybe we can use this owl I caught the other day. -pulls out a caged owl and ties a few envelopes to its legs- It's been boring me to death anyway.

Kaepora Gaebora: What is this? Harry Potter?

Birthday Surprise

Chapter 1: Invitations

It was just another day at Hyrule Castle. Zelda was sitting on her world-dominator sized bed, which was about a kajillion times the size of a king-sized bed. Link, Servant of Time, sat in a nearby chair, reading Zelda's mountains of mail, using the Master Sword as a letter opener. "Let's see here... Win a vacation... Fan mail... Death threat... Party invite... Great deal on real estate..."

"Wait, Link! What was that last one?"

"Great deal on real estate?"

"No, the party invite!"

"Umm... I'll read it to you."

Zelda and Link,

You both are invited to Blu's surprise birthday party. It's in the Bad Comic Corner, so bring your random throwing objects. Oh, one condition. Zelda has to pull her dress out of her ass.

Guru-Guru

"What's he talking about?"

"I'll tell you later, Zel."

Far away, on the planet of Gunsmoke, a certain wandering gunman was...uh, wandering, which was something Vash the Stampede tends to do once in a while. He wandered his way into a small house where the insurance girls and a non-dead Wolfwood were. He was holding a bunch of envelopes and was tossing them over his shoulder as he read what they were, "Bill. Jury duty. Chain letter. Bill. Party invite. Natural male...enhancement..." he stared at the address on the box, "Oh, this one is supposed to be sent to Knives..."

"Vash, what are you doing with mail?" Meryl asked.

"Well, it happened a few hours ago..."

Flashback-

"Lalala, I like donuts," Vash said as he...wandered down the street. Legato walked into his path, which made the gunman scream like a little girl, which wasn't really all that too hard to do. "Are you here to cause me more eternal pain and suffering!"

"No, I do happen to have a life...and a part-time job. I am a...mailman."

"Your brother doesn't pay too well."

End Flashback-

"And that's how I got these letters, like this party invite," Vash said to no one, since Meryl got bored of his little flashback and left complaining. Vash opened the invitation and read it aloud:

Dear Vash, Millie, and Non-Dead Wolfwood

You are all invited to Blu's surprise party at Bad Comic Corner (don't blame me for the name). Bring whatever you want, as long as it's not the Gung-Ho Guns or Knives. Although, you can bring some knives if you want.

Hustino

"Well, that's odd..."

"Let's get going!" Wolfwood yelled and they, uh, goed.

"Hey, Ruto! What did you want to see me about?" asked Navi as she entered Zora's Domain.

"Oh, it's this letter," said Ruto, holding up a parchment envelope. "It's addressed to both of us and says to open it together."

"Weird. Well, open it and read it to me."

Ruto and Navi,

You are both ANTI-invited to Blu's surprise birthday party. If you are anywhere near the premises of Bad Comic Corner on October 1st at 1 PM, you will be promptly shot in the head. Thank you for your cooperation.

Guru-Guru

"It's almost like they don't like us..."

"Yo, Master Knives, we've got mail!" Midvalley yelled and brought the evil Plant the mail.

Knives went through it, "Where's that natural male en...I mean, my magazine subscription I ordered? Yeah...magazine. I should have gotten it by...now...yeah." He looked around awkwardly, opened the letter and read it to all the Gung-Ho Guns:

To Knives and...the rest of you,

All of you are ANTI-invited to Blu's surprise party. If you come you will have your head placed firmly within your colon. In short, stay away from Bad Comic Corner (the name isn't my fault) on October fir...on second thought, just stay away for good.

Hustino

P.S. If Zazie comes by randomly selling something, that's fine. Since he doesn't suck like the rest of you.

"Pfft, who would want to go to..." Knives watched as the Gung-Ho Guns, most of who were crying, were patting each other's backs and consoling one another for not being invited. "...I need new homicidal maniacs..."

Bunny ears flapping in the wind, the running man left Lon Lon Ranch in a hurry, presumably to cheat in a race using said bunny ears. So what was he doing on Lon Lon Ranch? After wandering into Termina by mistake, he chose to take up the same noble profession as his twin, the postman. Unlike his Terminan counterpart, this mostly got him laughed at, but I digress.

"Look, Epona, I got a letter!" squealed Malon as she picked up a Cucco to open the envelope with. Once the swarm of angry chickens cleared, and after she managed to cover up all the wounds and clean up the blood, she picked up the letter and read it to the horse, who was busy running from the chickens.

Malon,

You're invited to Blu's surprise birthday party. You're allowed to bring Epona, but no other farm animals, and for the love of Nayru, NO CUCCOS! The party's at Bad Comic Corner, so adequate defense against Diablo will be provided, meaning that Asako's gonna be following him around with a 10' long pipe.

Guru-Guru

"Somehow that doesn't make me feel any safer..." started Malon, when Epona collapsed on the ground next to her, pecked to death. "Uh-oh," said Malon, as she pulled out one of the 50 fairy bottles she filled every morning. Yeah, this happens a lot.


	2. Set Up

Guru-Guru: -hands Hustino a charred shoe-  
  
Hustino: I already had lunch.  
  
Guru-Guru: -smacks Hustino- That's not what this is for.  
  
Hustino: Ow! Then...what is it for?  
  
Guru-Guru: Don't you remember any of the plan?  
  
Hustino: Do I remember any of the what now?  
  
Guru-Guru: Do you even remember what day it is?  
  
Hustino: October.  
  
Guru-Guru: Close enough. Just go downstairs into the closet, then throw this shoe at TK.  
  
Hustino: Why didn't you say that before?! -leaves-  
  
Guru-Guru: -sweatdrop-  
  
Birthday Surprise  
  
Chapter 2: Set Up  
  
"You're goin' down, Sempai!"  
  
"I don't think so!" Every occupant of Bad Comic Corner was focused on Blu and T9 and their fierce Dance Dance Revolution competition. Every occupant but two, that is. Nobody noticed as Hustino snuck into the room and into the closet, which was surprising, since he tripped at least five times and stepped on TK's hand.  
  
"Go Bl-OW!" TK was interrupted as a charred shoe from the direction of the closet slammed into his head. Oddly enough, no one noticed TK's yelp of pain. He looked from the overcooked shoe to the closet, where Hustino's hand was sticking out and dangling a voodoo TK plushie, and TK suddenly remembered what he was supposed to do.  
  
-Flashback-  
  
TK was minding his own business, when two shoes flew out of nowhere and conked him in the face. Normally he'd say ow and ignore it, but these were special shoes. Blu's beloved Skechers. "What the hell?!"  
  
"We need your help with something, TK," came Hustino's voice from behind. TK spun around to see Hustino and Kenny, who was holding three items. A TK voodoo plushie, a small toy lighter, and a doll pair of shoes.  
  
"What are you gonna do with...GAH!" screamed TK as he set Blu's Skechers on fire. "OH, CRAP!" yelled TK as he put the blazing shoes out. "What the hell did you make me do that for?!"  
  
"It was fun and we got rid of another pair of the Satanic Skechers," Hustino answered.  
  
"That," Kenny added, "and we need to you to distract Blu for a long period of time so we can get her surprise party ready."  
  
Once TK stopped giggling and hopping up and down after hearing that there was going to be a party, he asked, "So...you made me destroy her favorite shoes just so that I could distract her?" the two guys nodded. "...Why me?"  
  
Kenny and Hustino looked at each other and then back to TK, and Kenny answered, "We figured you're used to Blu causing you pain."  
  
-End Flashback-  
  
"Umm...B-Blu?" the sword-boy stuttered as the fox demon did her victory dance. "I k-kinda had an accident with y-your Skechers..." The victory dance ended immediately as Blu whipped around to face TK, the look on her face one of pure rage.  
  
-Five Minutes Later-  
  
Everyone waved bye-bye as a barefoot Blu dragged a smoldering and sobbing TK out the door to go buy a new pair of shoes. 


	3. Set Up Part II

Birthday Surprise  
  
Chapter 3: Set Up Part II  
  
Hustino walked out of the closet towards T9 and Legato just as Kenny came down the stairs saying, "Well, that was easy."  
  
"...You didn't do anything," T9 pointed out.  
  
"My point exactly."  
  
"Anyway, we've got everything ready to be set up, right?" Hustino asked and Kenny nodded.  
  
"We could use a bouncer. We did anti-invite quite a few, and I'm sure there's some that'll try to come."  
  
"A bouncer for a birthday party?" Legato said as he walked to the door after the doorbell ring, "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard of."  
  
"Hi! I'm selling cookies!" came the child-like voice of Zazie the Beast from outside. "Would you like to buy some?"  
  
"As much as I like cookies, they cost too much this way. Scram kid."  
  
"You'll pay for that!" screamed Zazie as a sandworm plowed out of the front lawn.  
  
"Mommy..."  
  
As everyone watched the giant sandworm chase Legato (who has a very tiny girlish screaming voice, by the way) around the front lawn, Kenny said "I think we've got our bouncer."  
  
"Yeah...but," Hustino scratched his head, "How are we gonna get a sandworm to do that?" T9 and Kenny gave him an odd look. "What?!"  
  
"Hey, little ki-I mean, Mr. the Beast, how'd you like a job?" Kenny asked the blonde boy.  
  
"What do I get out of it?" Zazie asked. Kenny looked over to Hustino and T9, all of them shrugged. Each of them pulled out their pockets, a few moths and some lint falling out. T9 pulled out a half eaten and half melted candy bar. "Chocolate!" Zazie screamed like a little kid and stuffed the entire thing into his mouth. "Okay, I'll do it."  
  
"That was mine!" whined T9.  
  
"Shh. We'd better not upset Zazie," muttered Hustino. "Do you wanna end up like Legato?" he asked, pointing to the psycho's legs sticking out of the sandworm's mouth. T9 instantly quit whining and ran to save her husband from the monster.  
  
"Why don't you...umm...secure the perimeter of the house or something, while we get the inside ready?" Kenny asked Zazie.  
  
"Okay!" the 'child' yelled, running out the door as he licked the chocolate off his fingers.  
  
-At the Mall-  
  
Blu proceeded to dig through the many racks of shoes, as TK panted and wheezed ahead of her. "Hey, look! A fox plushie!" TK yelled for the millionth time.  
  
"Ooh, where?!" asked Blu, also for the millionth time, turning her attention from the shoes so TK could hide yet another pair of Skechers.  
  
"I am SO gonna get those two for this!"  
  
"Hey..." Blu pouted, "there wasn't any..." she was saying...for the millionth time, but noticed there were no Skechers at all in sight. "This is the third store without any!"  
  
TK just...kinda shivered and tried not to look at the dozens and dozens of shoes surrounding him. "The shoes...they haunt me..."  
  
-Bad Comic Corner-  
  
"The decorations are set, the food is out, and Legato's covered with a giant worm's spit. Seems like the party is ready," Hustino said. Legato glared at him. T9 held her nose closed from the smell coming from Legato.  
  
"Now the people or...whatever need to get here," Kenny nodded. The doorbell rang and he answered it.  
  
"But I still don't understand what they meant by 'pulling my dress out of my ass," Zelda, who was outside the door with a slightly frustrated Link, said.  
  
"Umm...don't worry about it, Zel. Oh, hi," said Link, pulling a still funny-walking Zelda inside. Diablo noticed this and jumped from behind the plant by the door and gave a tug on Zelda's dress. Asako immediately attacked him with the ten foot pipe.  
  
"I feel like something's missing..." Zelda moped. 


	4. More Arrivals

Birthday Surprise  
  
Chapter 4: More Arrivals  
  
The Hero of Time and the Princess of Hyrule (who happened to have slight discomfort in a certain area) seemed to be enjoying themselves, despite the fact that the other people in the room were creeping them out. A lot. Kenny was busy explaining to them what was going on, Hustino was standing off to the side, and T9 was...being T9 (which may or may not be a good thing).  
  
The doorbell rang again and Hustino answered it. Outside was Vash, Wolfwood (who were giving Zazie odd looks), and Millie. Vash pouted, "Why couldn't Meryl come?" He kept whining until he saw the blonde woman inside. He grinned like a moron and rushed past Hustino and to Zelda. Wolfwood sighed, sweatdropped and dragged Millie inside.  
  
"Well, it looks like that's everybody except..." Kenny was hit in the face with a Cucco that flew in through the window in mid sentence. "...Malon."  
  
Malon didn't even bother with the doorbell. She just burst through the door...only to trip over Kenny. "Ripper!" she shouted, grabbing the Cucco. "You were supposed to stay outside with Epona!" And with that, she threw the Cucco back out the window.  
  
"She named a chicken Ripper," Vash muttered to Wolfwood.  
  
"She's crazier than you are," Wolfwood muttered back.  
  
Everyone kinda shuffled away from Malon, giving the odd girl some room. She was about to say hi or...do something Cucco-related, but she noticed the fried Cucco sitting on the table with the rest of the food. Gasping in shock, she rushed over and pulled out one of her bottles out that had a fairy. She popped it open, but the fairy couldn't bring the dead chicken back to life. So, it kinda just floated out the window.  
  
Malon started to cry a bit over the roasted Cucco, and Vash ran over crying, and hugged her, "It'll be all right!" She gave him an odd look, and Link glared slightly.  
  
-At the Mall-  
  
"Hey. Look. It's...a fox plushie," mumbled a mentally and physically exhausted TK.  
  
"Ooh, where?!" asked Blu, her love of foxes getting in the way of her judgment. This time, there actually was a fox plushie, so she screamed "CUTE!" and hugged it for a while before she turned back around to find TK twitching on the floor next to a box of Skechers. "Hey, and it's the last pair! Let's go home, TK!" Blu bought the shoes and dragged a twitching TK out of the store.  
  
'If they're not ready and all this was for nothing, nobody will be able to find the bodies...' thought the spasming sword boy.  
  
-Bad Comic Corner-  
  
"She's coming she's coming she's coming!" T9 screamed when she saw Blu and TK returning from the store. Everyone literally dropped what they were doing and rushed to find a hiding spot...they all ran into the closets. "Umm..." T9 looked around for a place to hide when she heard the doorknob moving. "Aha!"  
  
-With Blu and TK-  
  
"I hope everyone is ready..."  
  
"What'd you say?" Blu asked TK while she opened the door.  
  
"Uh...I said, I'm glad you got a new pair of shoes."  
  
"....right." When she opened the door, it was all dark inside and no one seemed to be in there. She flicked on the lights and the fan. Suddenly, T9 fell off the fan and onto the table of party stuff. Blu looked at her oddly, and out of nowhere (meaning the closets), people came out yelling "SURP-" then they noticed T9 laying in front of Blu. "-rise." They glared.  
  
"Hey! I didn't know she was going to turn on the fan!"  
  
-Outside-  
  
'I can't believe they gave me chocolate just to walk around this house.' thought Zazie. 'Wait, chocolate? I'd better go brush my teeth!' But as Zazie made for the front door, toothbrush in hand, he heard a voice behind him.  
  
"Tingle senses fairies here! Tingle must meet the fairies so he can become a fairy too!"  
  
"What the fuck was that?" Zazie turned to see...someone or something standing there. Tingle in all his green jump-suit and red underwear, uh, Tingleness. "..."  
  
"Hello!" Tingle said.  
  
"...."  
  
"Let me into the home here, for I, Tingle, sense a fairy in this vicinity!"  
  
"Umm...No."  
  
"Little boy, you must let Tingle in so that he can become a fairy too!"  
  
"...Little...boy..." Zazie's eye twitched, then he pulled a large, red, rocket out of nowhere with the word 'ACME' on it. He strapped Tingle to it, lit it, and with a faint "Kooloo limpah!" Tingle blasted off somewhere down the street. "Stupid dumbhead looking for fairies..." 


	5. Surprise

Hustino: Hey, how do you think things are going?  
  
Guru-Guru: Not bad. I thought I heard a small explosion outside, though. Do you think Zazie's handling things okay?  
  
Hustino: It was probably the wind. I'm sure Zazie can handle the job...after all, we did pay him quite a bit.  
  
Guru-Guru: So what's next?  
  
Hustino: Party games...we need everyone tired so they don't make a mess when they're eating...they're like a bunch of rabid little kids.  
  
Guru-Guru: Well, let's start!  
  
Birthday Surprise  
  
Chapter 5: Party Games  
  
"Okay, everyone!" shouted Kenny, "It's time for the games! Hustino, get him." He mumbled the last part.  
  
"Okay!" Hustino dived on Legato, who was tied up and duct taped to the wall before anyone could blink. "First game, pin the tail on the Legato!" Legato's face lost all color, and Hustino handed out donkey tails to all the guests while Kenny sedated T9, who was a little too excited about the game.  
  
Each of the guests took turns trying to pin the tail on the Legato...except Vash, who doesn't like pain (receiving or giving), so he sat down...over there. Wolfwood jabbed the pin into Legato's arm over and over saying something about "this is for killing me, you ass!" and Millie couldn't figure out how to use the pin. Malon had to be restrained after trying to pin the tail on the Legato, except replacing the pin with an angry Cucco. Link, despite being familiar with all sorts of pointy things, missed Legato completely. And Zelda just...kinda sat off to the side, since she lets Link use all the sharp pointy things for her, being too lazy herself.  
  
Then, it was time for the birthday girl herself to try it. Blu grabbed up everyone else's donkey tails, and jumped at Legato screaming 'For Wolfie!" and jabbed all the pins into Legato's rear. She happily trotted away, since she won the first birthday game at her own party AND caused Legato massive pain to his butt area.  
  
"BLU WINS! And the prize is...umm..." Hustino looked around desperately. Unable to locate anything else, he held up an unopened package of ramen triumphantly before tossing it to Blu.  
  
"YAY!" Blu immediately pounced on the ramen and out of nowhere, produced a bowl of hot water. Within a minute the ramen was gone and everyone was staring at Blu. "What? Whatdi do?"  
  
"Time for the second game!" Kenny yelled, "Legato, get over here."  
  
"What?! NO!" Legato rubbed his butt. After getting quite a few stab wounds from an angry girl with enough adrenaline from the excitement of her birthday party, you'd be rubbing your butt, too.  
  
"Legato. Come. Here."  
  
"...Does it involve sharp things being jabbed into me?"  
  
Kenny and Hustino looked at each other, then Hustino answered, "No, not at all!" Everyone (other than Legato) in the room 'awwed' in disappointment. Legato walked over to Hustino and Kenny. "Now!" They took Legato's coat and stuffed it full of candy, zipped it up, and hung it from the ceiling. "Who wants to play piñata?" Hustino held up a bat and a blindfold.  
  
First up to the piñata was Malon. New to this game, she jabbed the bat straight out in random directions. In the end, she wound up on the floor, with Wolfwood relieving her of the bat and blindfold. The priest took the same approach to the piñata as he did to the last game, with wild yelling. Missing every time, he surrendered the equipment to the last participant, Blu.  
  
"Mwahahahahaha!" shouted the fox demon as she swung the bat around wildly, hitting something every time. After about five minutes, she heard the sound of candy falling to the ground. Taking off the blindfold, she found the partygoers, not scrambling for candy, but lying on the ground, bleeding, Kenny and Hustino in the background, each with a rather large sweatdrop. "Umm...oops?"  
  
"That was...great, Blu..." Hustino said. Kenny clapped, but not too enthusiastically.  
  
"What do I get this time for a prize?" Blu hopped over and grinned.  
  
The two guys looked at each other then back to Blu. Kenny said, "Uh, you beat up Legato and got rained on by candy. You need a prize other than that?"  
  
"Aww..." she pouted. As usual, the two of them easily caved in by the sight (the saps). Kenny looked around, but couldn't find anything. Hustino...found a dog biscuit. They shrugged and then he tossed it to Blu, who happily trotted away with it in her mouth.  
  
After a long and heated conflict (a.k.a. musical chairs), the number of participants shrunk. Millie couldn't figure out the concept of the game, Wolfwood...didn't really care, everyone just pushed TK away, Zelda, well, was Zelda and had Link play for her, and Malon somehow tried to play the game using a bottle of milk and a Cucco...oddly enough, three people were injured because of that. It was down to the last of the contestants: Link, Vash, Legato, T9, and the birthday girl herself, Blu.  
  
The music started and everyone resumed skipping around the chairs, an amusing sight in the cases of Link and Legato, and somewhat normal for Vash and Blu. The music stopped, and Vash, Legato, and Link all managed to get chairs. T9 and Blu on the other hand... "I was sitting here first!"  
  
"No you weren't!"  
  
"Then why are you sitting on my shirt?" Soon, everyone still in the game found themselves in a riot. Needless to say...it wasn't pretty...  
  
-Outside-  
  
"This is SO damn slow! Besides that freaky fairy dude, nothing's happened!" Zazie was sitting outside the front door, staring at the sky. He was so bored, he was trying to pick out as many sandworms and toothbrushes as he could in the sky. "Whoa, that sandworm's even got a spot of blood on it. Hey, waitaminute!"  
  
Pulling a pair of binoculars out of nowhere, Zazie identified the red object as a fat man in a green suit, floating in his direction by a red balloon. "Aww, crap, not this freak again!"  
  
"Kooloo limpah! Hey down there, little guy! It looks like Tingle outsmarted you!"  
  
"What is he doing...?" Then Zazie noticed the chimney on the roof of the house. He was worried about the fat guy getting in through there...until he realized when Tingle tried to get into the chimney, that fat guys don't do well with chimneys.  
  
Other than Santa.  
  
He knew he had a little time, so Zazie casually walked into the house, past a group of people knocked out (he noticed that those two girls were still fighting) and towards the fireplace, whistling to himself. He pulled out a big wooden box with the word 'acme' in big black letters on the side, and pulled out a bunch of dynamite, shoving it into the fireplace. He opened a closet nearby, found some bricks and mortar, and made a little wall to hold back the explosion. Before he placed the last brick, though, he tossed in a match.  
  
One would think that the occupants of the house would have noticed the explosion, but they were all used to it, unconscious, or both. The only one besides Zazie to notice it was Tingle, who shortly after found himself shooting out of the chimney like a ball from a cannon, except this ball shouted "Kooloo limpah!" as it faded into the horizon. 


	6. Pool Time

Guru-Guru: I think that went well, aside from the riot.  
  
Hustino: I thought the riot went well. It was a nice riot.  
  
Guru-Guru: Yes. Lovely.  
  
Hustino: Quite. ...What are we doing next?  
  
Guru-Guru: We could head downstairs to the pool and hot tub.  
  
Hustino: Ok! I'll go lock Diablo in a closet so he doesn't bother Blu and T9 and the others...  
  
Birthday Surprise  
  
Chapter 6: Pool Time  
  
After a nice long riot that ended with Blu and T9 tearing one of the chairs apart and beating some innocent bystanders that tried to stop the riot (a.k.a. Kenny and Hustino) senseless, the game was called a tie and the two girls shared the prize.  
  
...Which happened to be an old dollar, a paper clip, and some lint from the guys' pockets.  
  
After the oddly rousing game of musical chairs, everyone was a bit tired. Kenny and Hustino interrupted them from what they were doing (Vash getting a little too friendly with Zelda, and Link getting more than a little annoyed by it while Malon distracted Link with her...Cucco stamp collection. Wolfwood sat with Millie and kept an eye on Vash to make sure he didn't do anything TOO stupid. T9 and Blu were still fighting over the remains of the chair, though...guess they don't like ties?)  
  
"Hey! Everybody! Hey! LISTEN!" the only person who even looked at Kenny was Link, afraid that Navi had showed up. "You try, Hustino."  
  
"POOL TIME!" Kenny and Hustino were stampeded over as everyone ran for the changing rooms. "Owie."  
  
-five minutes later-  
  
"So..." started Link.  
  
"...on the first evening a pebble..." sang Blu. Everybody gave her a strange look, except Vash, who almost started crying.  
  
"What now?" asked Millie.  
  
-another five minutes later-  
  
Once everyone was in the pool (other than Vash, who sat outside watching everyone (specifically the...well, uh, girls) because of his...'markings'), no one had any self control. Link kept using the Zora Tunic and Iron Boots to walk on the bottom and pull people under. Wolfwood did it the old fashioned way, just going over to them and pushing them under. Since neither wanted to pick on the girls (they were too afraid of them), it was mostly Kenny, Hustino, and Legato that got dunked or pulled under.  
  
Blu and T9 went on a splashing rampage, getting everyone wet. Well...wetter. Once they had beaten everyone else, they turned on each other. Blu sent a big splash, hitting T9 right in the face. As the birthday girl did a little victory jig in the water and laughed, T9 surfaced with a giant super soaker and sprayed Blu with it, laughing all crazy-like as she did.  
  
Rather than get angry and tackle T9, like she usually would, Blu screamed out a single word. "CHICKEN!" And with that, she jumped on Kenny's shoulders. Soon the pool found almost everyone paired up. T9 on Hustino, Malon on Link, Millie on Wolfwood, and TK and Legato arguing over who would be on top.  
  
Link and Wolfwood, both familiar with the game (despite the fact that the priest is from a desert planet), ran at each other as quickly as they could and...nothing really happened. Malon was busy swinging a Cucco around and Millie was nibbling on her pudding. The guys shrugged...which was enough to shift they girls' weight and make all four fall over.  
  
As for the other four...(TK and Legato were still arguing) Kenny and Hustino waited as Blu and T9 stared each other down, waiting...suddenly, Blu screamed, "CHARGE" and Kenny wadded through the water towards Hustino and T9. In a panic, Hustino did what he thought was best to defend himself. He threw T9 at their attackers, knocking them down, then turned to run...only to trip and fall into the water himself.  
  
TK on Legato's shoulders, since they finally decided who would be where, walked a few steps, only to fall onto their faces, since they're both clumsy as hell. Before they could pull get up, both felt themselves being pulled up by something over their eyes. Whoever pulled them up tied off the blindfolds, swam off, and shouted, "POLO!"  
  
"What the... I'VE GONE BLIND!" shouted Legato, doggy paddling in circles.  
  
"It's a blindfold, dumbass. Follow my lead," said TK, being the intelligent one for the first time in his life. "MARCO!"  
  
"POLO!" came the collective response from the others. TK and Legato tried to follow the sound, screaming "MARCO!" every so often, but...  
  
"Is it just me or are they getting quieter?"  
  
Meanwhile, on the other side of the pool...  
  
"How long do you think it'll take them to figure out that they're on the wrong side of the pool?" asked Blu.  
  
"Don't hold your breath," replied Hustino.  
  
Down on the bottom of the pool, T9 bubbled out, "Too late."  
  
-Meanwhile...someplace else-  
  
"And for the last time, STAY AWAY!" Zazie yelled as a smoking and ash covered Tingle waddled out of the home, slamming the door shut behind the green-clad fairy-wannabe.  
  
Huffing and puffing, Zazie went away from the door and to the table covered with all the food and drinks. His most recent little squabble with the fairy-freak left him very, very thirsty. He saw one of the punch bowls, but after looking around to make sure no one was near, he shoved his head into the bowl and started gulping.  
  
-Another someplace else-  
  
After traveling through the suddenly smelling pipes for a while, Tingle spotted some light. "WoooOoooOoo...it's the light of the fairies! Tingle has found them!" When he popped up, he noticed that he was in a weird, tiled white room. "Why is Tingle inside a big, wet, white bowl?"  
  
He gasped.  
  
"Is this a fairy fountain?!"  
  
Just then, the door flew open and he heard the voice of the little boy yelling "I shouldn't have had all that punch!" When he stepped in, he froze, staring at Tingle sitting inside of a toilet.  
  
"You have got to be kidding me."  
  
"No! It's the mean little boy! Be nice, please! Tingle only wants to meet the fairies!"  
  
"Meet sewage," said Zazie as he sent Tingle dizzily down the tubes. "Now, to take care of the punch problem!"  
  
-censored- 


	7. Presents

Birthday Surprise  
  
Chapter 7: Presents  
  
After everyone was finished with the pool and had dried themselves off, they made their way back to the living room for...dun dun dun... -dramatic pause- ...Cake and presents!  
  
As the birthday girl skipped...er, pranced...er, 'lively walked' over to the center of the floor and plopped down awaiting her gifts, all the guests pulled their presents out of seemingly nowhere.  
  
The giddy girl (which was a bit weird, seeing Blu giddy) seemed to be having a seizure from excitement. Hustino and Kenny were handing out slices of angel food cake to the guests, but when one of them tried handing a piece to Blu, she screamed 'PRESENTS!' and her eye twitched a bit.  
  
Link was the first person to get the courage to make his way to the overly excited birthday girl and handed her a soft present covered in green (surprise) wrapping. Using hands, teeth, feet, and anything else at her disposal, Blu tore open the wrapping to find a red shirt...the Goron Tunic.  
  
She threw it on and looked down at herself. She spun in a circle and laughed as the bottom flipped up. "Look, I'm wearing a dress!" she joked as she plopped back onto the ground. Link rolled his eyes and backed away.  
  
"Next!" shouted the overly-exited fox demon, causing Wolfwood to look up from pouring something in the punch bowl. Before anyone noticed, he swapped the glass bottle with another squishy package, wrapped in paper with little crosses. Ten seconds of flying cross paper later, Blu was huggling a pair of boxers with chibi Wolfwoods on them, which she promptly put on her head.  
  
Zelda came skipping over to Blu, excited to give her present. The princess handed the wrapped box to the girl and she immediately tore it open, only to be faced with her worst nightmare...  
  
No, not Legato and Knives in dresses slow dancing It was...makeup. The princess, all giggly at the sight of her gift, asked Blu if she liked it.  
  
"Uh..." Blu said, "Um, look, it's Ganon!" she pointed. Zelda gasped and turned around as Blu tossed the makeup over her shoulder and out a conveniently open window. "Whoops," Blu said, "I guess it was just a potted plant."  
  
"Hey, where'd the present that I-"  
  
"Next!"  
  
In tears and with a big plate of...donuts, apparently, Vash crawled on his knees towards Blu. He held the plate up to her and with big sobs said, "Th-these are my most prized possessions!" The girl looked around, but everyone just shrugged. "Treat them well!" he jumped away crying. "Donuts, I hardly knew ye!"  
  
Near Wolfwood (who was shaking his head in embarrassment) Link said "Psst!" and pointed over his shoulder to the giant stack of donuts sitting on the table with the rest of the food. The gunman rushed over with tears of joy and started inhaling the pastries.  
  
Rolling her eyes, T9 whispered something into Legato's ear and handed him a bottle of Tabasco sauce that she just happened to have with her. The psycho nodded and while no one was looking and while Vash was preoccupied with the donuts, squirted it all onto Vash's cake.  
  
Blu poked her donuty gift a bit.  
  
"Mine next! Mine next!" Malon ran towards Blu at full speed from the other side of the room, stopping about an inch in front of the birthday girl. Blu slowly took the box from her.  
  
"It's not a Cucco...is it?"  
  
"Just open it!" Blu disposed of the paper and opened the box to find...  
  
"An egg?"  
  
"It's a Lon Lon Egg! All the girls have been dying for beauty supplies like this one!"  
  
"Umm... Holy crap, Epona's stepping on all the Cuccos!"  
  
"What?!" While Malon was outside checking on the horse, Blu tossed the egg out the window, while wondering how the hell an egg was used as a beauty supply. The egg hit the makeup case and shattered, freeing a Cucco. "Bakaw!" The Cucco shook its head a bit, then walked around towards the back door.  
  
Having been the ones to throw the party, Hustino and Kenny didn't have anything to give and TK...well, he had to put up with her for a few hours and buy her some Skechers, so that was enough for him. Everyone turned to Legato and T9 who both looked at each other and shrugged. They started pulling things out of their pockets, but only found lint, a paper clip, and a penny. "Um..." T9 said, "Uh..." Then she suddenly grabbed Legato's cake and chucked it at Blu.  
  
Blu sat there for a moment and wiped the cake off her face while everyone was unsure how she'd react...until she squealed happily and said "Yay, cake! Just what I wanted!" and gobbled it off of her fingers.  
  
After the excitement of the gift-giving, everyone went straight to stuffing their faces. Vash, after finishing off the entire supply of donuts himself, ate his cake...  
  
And consequently drank an entire punch bowl of, well, punch. It was the same one that Wolfwood had been pouring something from a strange silver flask into...but no one had noticed that.  
  
Everyone was having fun. Many were being amused by Vash who, for some reason, was acting a bit dumb and dizzy...more so than usual. He was getting really close to Link and Zelda, offering the Princess some of the punch, which she took gladly.  
  
As Zelda started to hiccup a bit, Link slowly slid away towards Malon, on the other side of the couch. Hustino and Kenny were giving TK a hard time for not getting Blu a present, but once he yelled that they were the ones that made him destroy the girl's first pair of Skechers, they both had to dodge her new shoes flying at them. T9 was busy making little cities out of her food and sending horrible catastrophes (like a kamikaze fork or an unstable mountain of rice) onto the helpless food-peoples. The birthday girl was content stuffing her face just as much as everyone else and showing off her new shirt and...uh, 'hat'.  
  
Everyone was enjoying themselves so much, nobody noticed a Cucco sneaking in the back door and waddling up to Legato's chair. "Legato, go get me some punch," ordered T9, and the psycho dared not argue. He stood up...and stepped on the Cucco.  
  
"BAKAW!" Everyone who lived in Hyrule or had played Zelda before knew to hide, and Vash, Wolfwood, and Millie were smart enough to follow, leaving Legato alone with the Cucco.  
  
"What, are you all afraid of a little chick...AGH!" the blue haired hand-licker suddenly found himself in the center of a swarm of angry chickens.  
  
"BAWK BAKAW!" Nothing could be seen of Legato through the cloud of white feathers. When the birds flew off, Legato still couldn't be seen, with all the white feathers sticking to the blood seeping from his wounds.  
  
"Owie." Everyone stared at the mauled and hurt Legato, but when no one moved, T9 did what anyone would have. She pulled out a camera and took pictures of Legato covered in bloody feathers.  
  
-Outside-  
  
"I need a way to keep that fat freak off my back once and for all..." Zazie muttered to himself. Nothing he'd tried so far had worked, the green menace just kept coming back. Just then, the answer to the Beast's problems hit him in the face. Literally.  
  
The fairy Malon had tried to revive the fried Cucco with earlier was more than a little confused when she flew out the window into a little boy's face, only to be promptly re-captured in a bottle. This just wasn't her day.  
  
And, little known to her, her day was going to get a LOT worse, as Zazie yelled "Oh, look. A fairy. What, oh, what will I ever do with this FAIRY?" A moment later, as expected, Tingle came prancing towards him in all his Tingliness.  
  
"Oh, little boy-" Zazie flinched and his eye twitched "-You've finally come to realize Tingle's plight! Tingle is so grateful!"  
  
"Yeah..." Zazie tossed the scared little fairy over his shoulder just as Fluffy, his loyal sandworm, came up and grabbed it. Zazie had a map handy, showing him the general direction of Hyrule, which he pointed towards. The sandworm hurled the bottle containing the poor little fairy towards her home.  
  
Tingle inflated his balloon and began his chase of the now airborne fairy all the way back to Hyrule, where the Hylians will have to put up with him. Zazie did a little victory dance to celebrate. 


	8. Going Home

Birthday Surprise  
  
Chapter 8: Going Home  
  
After a long and rigorous day of...stuff, the party was coming to an end. That doesn't mean that it was dying down, though. Vash was running through the house with his shirt off and a pair of boxers (not his own, oddly enough) on his head. This wouldn't have been considered too weird for him, but he was even more clumsy than usual and kept talking to potted plants.  
  
And if that wasn't enough to weird people out, the normally calm princess was acting like she'd gone insane. She was shouting at people, telling people off, and constantly hiccupping and belching.  
  
"What...the crap?" Blu asked with a huge sweatdrop as her party began to get really strange. Everyone else was keeping their distances from the blondes.  
  
Wolfwood slowly approached the Humanoid Typhoon. "Uhh...hey, Vash?"  
  
"Niklus! Iya! Ya haveta have summa dis punch! Iss really good!"  
  
"I think that's enough punch for you, Vash."  
  
"But..."  
  
"Nope. Let's go home before Meryl depletes Gunsmoke's supply of coffee," said Wolfwood, dragging Vash out by his ear.  
  
"Merl! Why didn' ya say so?!"  
  
"Sorry about Mr. Vash! I don't know what's gotten into him!" apologized Millie, running out after the priest and gunman. "Bye!"  
  
"I think Zelda's had enough of that pun-" Link began to say, but was cut off by the Princess's shout.  
  
"i'll tell u wen i've had enuff, lenk!!1!!" Zelda garbled out and tripped over a couch. "Omg! liek, wtf?!1!!1!" she shouted as she fell. Link backed away and bumped into Malon, who was...uh, petting and caressing a Cucco.  
  
"I think we'll be going now," Link said as he grabbed Malon's hand and made a run for it, with Cucco feathers flying everywhere.  
  
"OMG! Malun is suck a bich!! lol!!1!" and Zelda tripped over another couch, but managed to make her way out the door, chasing (albeit very clumsily) after Lenk...er, Link and Malon, shouting obscenities throughout the streets...not that anyone understood what the Hell she was saying.  
  
"...Uh, bye?" Blu waved bye-bye to the suddenly relatively empty room.  
  
"So..." started Kenny, but Blu cut him off.  
  
"On the first evening a pebble..." she sang. Everyone glared. "Umm...sorry..."  
  
Just then, Zazie came in grinning. "I finally got rid of him for ya!" They all looked at each other then back to the boy.  
  
"Got rid of who?" Kenny asked.  
  
"...that fat guy in the green tights! He's been around here sneaking around all day! He almost made me go insane!" They all looked at each other again, but everyone shrugged. "AGH!" and the boy ran off screaming. Of course, the girls followed, yelling something about a hug. Once they came back (with Blu carrying the gung-ho's bandana and T9 with some...hair?). Blu put the bandana on over the boxers flapping on her head.  
  
"So..." Kenny said again, but shot Blu a look before she could start again.  
  
"What's next?" Blu asked. The two boys grinned at each other and then tackle-hugged both of the girls. "Happy Birthday, Blu!" T9 squirmed out and Blu grinned.  
  
"Ok, so what now?" asked Hustino.  
  
"DDR?" suggested T9. And that was the last Kenny and Hustino saw of the girls all night.  
  
Guru-Guru: I think that party went well.  
  
Hustino: I'd like to think so.  
  
Guru-Guru: We had games, cake, a piñata, a pool, and we tortured the psycho. We had it all!  
  
Hustino: Yeah, and we had all of the birthday girl's favorite characters! ...well, not counting Tingle...  
  
Guru-Guru: So...wanna go watch the girls play?  
  
Hustino: Well, there's one last thing we should do...it is a BIRTHDAY, after all.  
  
Guru-Guru: Yep.  
  
Both: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BLU! WE LOVE YOU! 


End file.
